Vampyros Lesbos

We've got us a doozy today, folks: a European exploitation flick about lesbian vampires that was made in the 70's. These are all things I can totally get on board with. But not everyone is me, and when it comes to Vampyros Lesbos it's very much a "your mileage may vary" situation.

A Spanish-German co-production that was shot on location in Turkey, Vampyros Lesbos has a multi-culti pedigree that over time has marinated into simply Eurohorror. It was directed by Jesus Franco, whose nearly 200 films (!!!) run the gamut from arty experimentation to, well, the hard stuff. So what is Vampyros Lesbos? It's a little of both yet neither completely. The movie is loaded with symbolism (lots of unexplained shots of a moth, a scorpion, and a kite in mid-flight abound), but doesn't entirely form a coherent statement. There's a lot of nudity but at most what's shown would be considered softcore. It most easily fits under the umbrella of exploitation. It's also horror, although even that element is somewhat negligible.

Oh, the 70's, you never fail to amaze!

The story is based loosely on Bram Stoker's Dracula. This time the Dracula character is female, a countess named Nadine, played by the stunning Soledad Miranda (who tragically died in a car accident shortly after the film's release). Plot points are kind of vague and not everything makes total sense, but after an "erotic" stage performance involving a mirror and a candelabra, Nadine psychically takes over audience member Linda, played by Ewa Stromberg, beautiful despite an almost uncanny resemblance to Geri Halliwell (aka Ginger Spice). Things spiral from there, Linda finds herself sunbathing on the Mediterranean with vampire Nadine (!!!), a random hotel is involved, there's some sexy times, and a few people lose their lives. Fin.

Being so pretty never looked so painful. Those poor, damned vampires.

Spice up your life.

Back when it was originally released in 1971, Vampyros Lesbos was just one of many, a trashy European horror flick that was soon forgotten. But sometime in the 90's it developed a cult following and it's reputation grew. Today it has become more divisive, many people let down after hearing such good things about it from it's cult of fans. For starters, to even be able to get into this movie (or any exploitation movie), you really have to let two opposing thoughts occupy your mind at the same time. Vampyros Lesbos is politically incorrect, with the focus of the male gaze way at the forefront. I consider myself a feminist and what we're dealing with here is very much in direct opposition to that. But I'm also a proud gay man and I enjoy similar movies of the era that throw the word "faggot" around like nobody's business. Those were the times. Things change. We've progressed, and knowing that makes watching these now anachronistic movies almost comical. It's all in the mindset.

If you find mirror dancing offensive, and it kind of is here, look elsewhere.

The other thing is, well, you kind of just have to go with the flow with Vampyros Lesbos. If you count coherent plot and a lack of long, drawn out, dialogue-free shots, as strong points in your favorite films, this one isn't for you. On the other hand, if atmosphere and quasi-surrealism (and hot chicks), is your thing, you'll probably find something to admire in Vampyros Lesbos. It really is about just letting the overall tone and beautiful cinematography wash over you. If you're searching for literal or rational explanations you'll come up short. (A vampire sunbathing? Really?)

I'd take this any day over Edward, and I'm gay.

Being a huge 70's enthusiast, not to mention a fan of both horror and exploitation, Vampyros Lesbos definitely works for me. The leads are all incredibly charismatic, making up for any lack of actual acting talent. The countess' beachside manse, loaded as it is with postmodern, minimalist decor, is basically the house of my dreams. The sun drenched Mediterranean location is evocative and lush. Perhaps most importantly, the movie is just plain fun. A lot of people call this a campy, trashy mess, and it kind of is. If you can get into the spirit of it you'll be rewarded. But if you hate it, well, I can't blame you. It's not brilliant; it is what it is and you're either cool with it or you're not.

If she's acting all "vampire pact-y" and handing you

a glass of mysterious red liquid, think twice.

Symbolism!

If there's one thing it seems pretty much everyone does agree on about this movie, it's that the soundtrack is damn fine. Composed by Manfred Hubler and Siegfried Schwab in 1969, and used in no less than three different Franco films, the soundtrack didn't see an actual release until 1995. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's what accounts for the cult comeback of the film in the first place. It's a mixture of swinging jazz and psychedelic rock that perfectly encapsulates it's era. This is music so good it's album was given a subtitle never associated with any of it's films: Sexadelic Dance Party. And that about sums it up! There are a few downtempo, melancholic mood pieces here, but for the most part you're in for a rollicking, upbeat, indeed sexy, very good time!

Even though these songs were used in three films, they only used Vampyros Lesbos to name the soundtrack. 

Can't say I blame them, it's a pretty wicked title. The subtitle is undeniably fab, too.

My personal favorite track is We Don't Care, which begins with a driving groove, but at about 1:40 it breaks into blossoming sitars and goes into a midtempo beat, the horn section now blasting majestically. It's all very lush and blissed-out. Towards the end a chorus chanting the title fades in, and eventually you hear a man shouting and grunting in the background. It ends as he drawls, "We don't caaaaare..." and an electric guitar stab goes into reverb. It's really quite fun and comical in it's rowdiness.

The track that seems to get the most attention is the ludicrously named The Lions and The Cucumber. It's a little grimier, darker, harder, than We Don't Care. But it still manages to invoke the good vibes with more sitars and blasting horns. I like this one a lot, too.

The songs can all be heard on YouTube of course, and you can learn more about the soundtrack here. Better yet, you can buy it here.

I hope you've enjoyed today's small look at exploitation cinema and really good music. Give the songs a listen. "Pull up a groove and get fabulous!"

Til next time!