I Love A Scandal

When I was little I was close friends with a classmate named Brandi. She had a stay-at-home mom who was my regular babysitter so every day after school Brandi and I would play and watch tv at her house until my mom got off work and took me home. I liked Brandi a lot; she was friendly, outgoing, and best of all, she had a ton of dolls! Being a boy, dolls weren't something I had many of even though I adored them. Brandi's mom had no qualms with a boy playing with "girl" toys so for those few hours each day I was free to temporarily share Brandi's doll collection with her. It was practically a godsend for a doll-deprived boy who had no outlet to express his love for those tiny plastic creatures with the silky hair. Although Brandi had all sorts of dolls -- Barbie, My Little Pony, Strawberry Shortcake -- this was at the peak of the Jem phenomenon. Scattered around her room alongside broadly smiling Barbie dolls and blue and pink ponies with cartoons painted on their butts were those strange dolls with fluorescent hair and shocking jags of lightning bolts and flames painted around their eyes. The Jem dolls were the favorites of both Brandi and myself by far.

We would play the cassettes the dolls came with while we had the dolls "perform" concerts. Their shows were always sell-outs and after each performance the dolls would go on Johnny Carson and talk about their lives -- their romances, their dramas, how great it was to be famous. (We were seven years old, it never got very deep.) Sometimes we'd stand in for the dolls and perform concerts ourselves, lip syncing and playing air guitar. More often than not some sloppy dance moves were busted while we "sang". And of course we watched the show all the time, too. Even back then I was a Misfits guy. The Holograms did good deeds and were easy to admire but they were nowhere near as fun as the hell-on-wheels that was The Misfits!

Over the years Jem has oddly managed to stay in my life to some degree or another. When I first came out in my late teens and started going to gay clubs I realized Jem was kind of a thing among gay men. A few years later, around 2005 or 2006, I was bitten by the nostalgia bug and picked up several Misfits dolls on eBay. I never really did anything with them (they're in storage now), but it was fun to have them around. Looking back, those eBay Misfits dolls probably planted the seeds that grew into the devoted doll collector I am today. My best friend Torey also grew up with Jem and he and I still crack jokes with each other about the show to this day.

By the time Integrity Toys announced last year that they would be releasing a line of high end Jem dolls I was so wrapped up in Monster High that, while pleased to see Jem making a comeback, I let the dolls pass me by. Those first dolls were quickly followed by a second wave comprised of the remaining core Holograms characters. Again, I was happy to see it happen, but I didn't partake in the dolls myself. But with last week's announcement of a third wave, this time made up of The Misfits, I could sit idly by no longer. Aside from the fact that The Misfits were always my group of choice (I love me a great bad girl; give her a guitar and I'm hooked), there's the matter of the dolls themselves. They're stunning!

I've spent the past week obsessing over the dolls, looking at the promo pics repeatedly and marveling at the wonderful job Integrity did designing them. Back in the day Pizzazz was my favorite character overall while Stormer always struck me as the prettiest. Of the new dolls the real surprise for me is Roxy. She was never a favorite of mine; in fact, when I was little I barely even paid attention to her. Of the vintage dolls she was my least favorite. After realizing these beautiful new dolls are too good to pass up it became a matter of which one to get. (In a perfect world I would just get all three of them but that's simply not realistic at the moment.) After carefully thinking it over, I finally settled on... Roxy! It was kind of an agonizing decision because I love the Stormer doll a lot, too. But in the end Roxy was the one my mind kept going back to, and I figure if I'm gonna spend such a big chunk of change on one doll I should definitely go for the one I respond to the most, rather than simply choosing my favorite character (sorry Pizzazz!).

Mostly what sold me on Roxy is her face. I feel Integrity got it right, focusing more on her cartoon makeup than the vintage doll's. Her side glancing eyes have just the right amount of "bitchy" -- not too harsh, but definitely not what you'd call friendly, either. Her big, platinum white hair is pure "Roxy". I love how they did the split in her bangs. They contrast some finesse with all that crazy bigness going on behind them. Of the three dolls she has the best outfit easily. The pants are pretty different from the cartoon and vintage doll, but damn if they don't look amazing! I love capri length pants on dolls so much! Throw some gold sequins on them and I'm sold! Perhaps best of all, Roxy's outfit comes closest to capturing an authentic 80's look without reading overly fantastical or gaudy. It has the Misfits edge but feels very high fashion.

This new wave won't start shipping until mid-to-late May, an agonizing wait for someone as impatient as I am. I wanna break that girl and her guitar out right now and get to rocking! By the time the mail person arrives carrying that big tell-tale rectangular package it'll take all the willpower I have not to tackle them grabbing it in excitement! And if Roxy is as amazing in person as she looks in these pics I have a feeling more Misfits and Holograms Integrity dolls will be in my future...

In case you somehow missed them, here are all the Integrity Jem dolls released to date...

All images: Integrity



Update: Just realized I forgot to include Integrity's Rio doll on the roster listed above. But you folks know how I feel about male dolls so that shouldn't come as a surprise!

Music today is -- who else? -- The Misfits!